WARMTH
A respected columnist who I look forward to reading every Sunday, Marilyn Vos Savant, excited another series of reminiscences with a recent short entry. When asked what qualities she appreciated in a teacher as a 10-year old, she answered intelligence and warmth; however, she acknowledged that warmth was the critical element. She noted that warmth helps to create open minds, an essential element of learning. This caused me to think of my own life, of the times I didn't greet people warmly, of the times I experienced or observed warmth in others, of the lessons I've learned about dealing with people, of the demeanor that is most appropriate. I realized that Ms. Vos Savant is once again on the money and not just in respect of teachers: Warmth is like a soothing oil in human relationships, an oil which makes human interaction more pleasant and productive, an oil the lack of which is like sand in an engine, which can cause the engine to stop.
Warmth draws us, makes us feel secure, makes us want to return the warmth, makes us want to participate. But what is warmth? How to we develop this trait? I looked to my dictionary for help and found several meanings. Warmth can mean enthusiasm or ardor, as in a warm handshake. But it also includes an enveloping sense of intimacy, of affection, whether for a person, a group, an ideal or an activity, which makes us feel that we belong.
We know that enthusiasm is infectious. When we're with someone who genuinely loves a game, or a sport, or an intellectual construct, we find ourselves more enthusiastic. When we see someone look with love on a person or a pursuit, we find ourselves looking more favorably on the object of that love.
Thinking about warmth tells us how to develop it. Be loving and enthusiastic in our lives. To the extent we can remember to show our feelings for the people and things we love, for our passions, for the groups we participate in, we will be happier and we will make every experience more enjoyable for others. Demonstrate warmth- it even makes the giver feel that he or she belongs.
9-10-01
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