REALITY + Shoulder Update
One of my favorite political columnists recently criticized those who refuse to accept reality, who insist on starting their political thought from an abstraction, who act as if they live in a different world. He argued that willingness to accept and deal with reality is a necessary first step in intelligent political thought. It occurred to me that his argument applies to other aspects of life, in particular, our continuing quest for happiness.
If we refuse to accept reality, if we live in a world of dreams, we may fall into the trap of expecting things to happen, of assuming that happiness will be automatic with the passage of time, of failing to work toward the things we need. If we create false expectations, if we fail to be active in taking care of our lives, we probably won't get to where we want to be. We need to be realistic about where we are and where we want to be. We can mistake our situation as it is and we can be wrong about where we want to be. We've all known people who arrive at their intended destination and find that they don't like it, that they wish they had moved in another direction, that the effort to get where they thought they wanted to be wasn't worth it.
We also need to be realistic about our capabilities. We can be accurate about where we are and where we want to be and still go wrong by overestimating our abilities. If we don't have the skill or energy or perseverance to reach our goal, we'll likely be frustrated at some point in our lives. I continue to believe that the process is more important than the result and that the effort to achieve a goal is a sufficient reward for us, that trying is both fun and rewarding. But beating your head against a brick wall for a period of time is neither. Let's enjoy the process but be realistic about what we can do.
We shouldn't forget that we can also underestimate our capabilities. If we set goals which are too easy, we lose the pleasure of trying as well. We wind up going through the motions, of pretending to try, of seemingly making an effort, of remaining interested, but we aren't really doing anything. We need to do challenging things in order to enjoy our lives.
Let's be realistic in all things. We'll be happier in our daily lives and when we reach our goals.
[After I wrote this column, I ran across a review of a book by Catherine Merridale, Night of Stone: Death and Memory in Russia (Granta), which pointed out that when reality is too horrible to bear, there is comfort in falsehood. I intend to read this book and think about the times when acceptance of reality is dysfunctional.]
[I had a small setback at therapy on Friday. In using one of the exercise machines, I felt pain for the first time since surgery. I don't what it means but I'll continue to work and exercise until my shoulder is functional again. I'm going to try to drive today and I'll let you know how that goes. The man from my office who has been nice enough to take me to work in the morning and take me home in the evening is probably getting a little tired of it so I hope I'm comfortable driving. My planned vacation is taking shape and I need to be fully functional for that. I have a lot of incentive and a lot of support so how can I go wrong?]
[My best wishes and condolences go out to two friends who lost their "dad" last week. RIP dad.]
3-18-02
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