INTERNET GRANDFATHER®

Opinions

                                    A long time ago a friend of mine said that you can only argue with someone who agrees with you. If he meant argue in a friendly manner it's more and more clear that he was right. As the world becomes angrier and angrier, any disagreement seems to produce bitter feelings, arguments quickly lead to hard feelings if not more. I see a growing hostility that seems to reach any disagreement. I see an almost desperate urge to "win" in young and old alike. I guess the question I always have is what is "won" in these arguments.

                                             I've talked to a lot of people about a lot of things over a long time and I learned pretty early that people don't easily change their opinions. People cling to their opinions like they cling to old friends, even when the facts may be different from their premises. An old friend says that I continue to believe that if I can just talk to people who disagree with me, I can persuade them to change their minds. That was once true, but no longer. I now tread very lightly around people who disagree with me. I try to politely point to errors of fact, if I see any, but I don't challenge their conclusions.

                                             I can argue about pretty much anything and I usually can take either side. If I'm speaking to someone I know very well, I'll sometimes take the other side of an argument just to test them, even if I agree with them. If I'm speaking to someone who knows I agree with them, I sometimes fall into cheerleader mode, voicing my strong agreement and urging them to argue with those who disagree with us. But when I disagree with a stranger, I try to end the discussion and move on. I'm not afraid to argue but I've come to believe that I waste too much time trying to change someone's mind.

                                             It's a matter of courtesy. I don't want to offend anyone and I don't want to argue heatedly over some question if, as I've come to believe, I'm not going to change anyone's mind anyway. But I do wish that we could calmly discuss issues, explore facts and conclusions and, if we can't agree, at least disagree agreeably. If we could do that, I still might not change anyone's mind but at least I wouldn't make anyone angry.

10-6-08