ON THE INSIDE
I've been thinking about the difference between inside and outside. Our outward appearance doesn't always match our inside feelings or thoughts. My thinking was occasioned partly by a humorous essay about aging. The author acknowledged that she had changed "a bit" on the outside but was the same as ever on the inside. Then, on a more serious note, I began to think about the influence of inside on outside and the reverse.
It's obvious that what we're feeling or thinking often affects our demeanor. Sad faces represent sadness, happy faces show happiness and so forth. No matter how much we try to hide, to create a shell, to disguise our feelings, we usually reveal them to anyone who watches carefully and sometimes the disguise is completely ineffective. I'm told that the essential skill of a poker player is to hide reactions to the cards but that even good poker players usually have some quirk that reveals good or bad holdings.
What may not be obvious is that hiding negative feelings can sometimes turn bad into good. I've discovered that putting on a show of happiness, pretending to be cheerful even when things are bad, even when we feel at our worst, even when we're thinking negative thoughts, can make us feel better. If we can smile in the face of adversity, sometimes that's enough to overcome adversity. If we can maintain a cheerful exterior, sometimes we become more cheerful on the inside.
I'm not enough of a psychology student to know why this is true but I know it is. Maybe part of the reason is that the people around us help us to feel better when we keep up an outer cheerfulness. People don't want to be around someone who's visibly unhappy. Even our best friends lose heart when we continually appear unhappy and depressed. But if we can appear to be strong and capable in the face of bad things or bad times, people seem to rally to help us through. And then our act begins to represent how we feel on the inside. We feel better because we get the help we need, because we see we have friends and supporters, and we do a better job of resolving our problems, of creating real happiness.
Think about matching your outward appearance to the inner feelings you'd like to have. It really works.
2-17-03
Home Page 2003 Archives 2002 Archives 2001 Archives 2000 Archives 1999 Archives